Untethered (Shifter Night Book 1) Read online

  Her cheeks heated some more. Much more. Her neck felt hot. Even her eyeballs felt hot. Her hair seemed to prickle. He looked even better than he had a moment ago. Broad shoulders, dark blue jeans, unruly hair. It looked like he’d tried to tame it though. His eyes sparkled as they finally locked with hers.

  This had all started over her heels and the fact that they were too high. She cleared her throat. “I … um … I … might fall over.”

  “Not going to happen.” He took hold of her hand. “I’ve got you. I’ll even carry you if need be. Shifters are really strong.”

  “Oh really!”

  “We’re super-human.”

  She chuckled. “Really now, because I’m soooo heavy,” she said in a mocking tone.

  He narrowed his eyes and turned serious in an instant. “Not even close. You are a tiny human. Smaller than most.” He totally thought she was serious. It was cute.

  “I was only joking. Okay, fine.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll stay dressed like this but I need to put some lipstick on.”

  He pulled a face. “No, you don’t need that gunk.”

  “For your information, I like wearing lipstick.”

  He narrowed his eyes to show his distaste.

  “Fine, some lip gloss then?”

  “I don’t like the taste of all that rubbish.”

  Taste.

  Taste?

  As in on his tongue?

  Really?

  Her mouth fell open and her eyes felt like they were about to fall out of her head, they were bugging out that far.

  “Don’t look so shocked. We’re on a date ‒ that means I get to hold your hand, put my arm around you and hopefully, maybe just maybe, I get to kiss you at some point.”

  Her heart went nuts in her chest. That queasy feeling was back as a whole kaleidoscope of butterflies took flight in her stomach. It was just nerves. She was afraid of this ending badly. As in, with her face stuffed in a paper bag in the corner of a restaurant. Or even worse, lights out on the floor in the manager’s office with a rescue team on the way. She’d been there before and didn’t want it happening again.

  “It would just be a kiss.” He squeezed her hand. “Or two. You would be okay with a kiss or two, wouldn’t you? We can make them small kisses.”

  “Yes … if they were small ones … I guess so.” She licked her lips. “But only if you think we need to go that far.” She frowned. “I’m not sure we need to go that far.”

  “We’re role-playing here. We should do a good job of it.”

  “You’re right.” She licked her lips again and he tracked the movement.

  “In fact,” his gaze was still glued to her mouth, “I think we should get that pesky first kiss out of the way right now.”

  “Now?” Her voice was a bit shrill and she was breathing too quickly, but more out of excitement than panic. At least, she hoped it wasn’t panic. It was difficult to tell anymore.

  He frowned. “Only if you feel you can handle …”

  Oh she so could. Ana was done with being afraid. She had to try. Ana gripped his shirt and pulled him down to her level. She planted one on him. One quick touch of the lips … only … once her mouth touched his, something ignited in her. Something bright and fierce. Something a little out of control.

  Ana moaned. All out freaking moaned. Contact with the opposite sex just felt that darned good. As she moaned, her mouth opened. Then their tongues were fighting. Literally at war with one another, yet in sync. It was weird, yet amazing. Hardcore, passionate and all-consuming.

  The air seemed to thin. Ana struggled to breathe. It seemed he had the same problem because the sound of their ragged breathing filled the room.

  Winston pulled away first. Thank god, because she didn’t think she was capable. Not that she wanted more, it was just that it had been so long since she’d done this. Too long.

  Her chest expanded and contracted in rapid succession. Her hands still clasped his shirt. Two tight fists. “Oops!” she said.

  Winston chuckled. “So much for a small kiss. Wow!”

  Ana finally found it within herself to let him go. “It’s just that I haven’t done that in the longest time. I’m sorry. Flip I—”

  “No need to apologize. If you’re apologizing, then I should too.”

  “Why are you apologizing? It was me doing all the moaning and grabbing and—”

  “It takes two to tango,” Winston interjected. “Look, I’m a guy, I’m going to react to a beautiful female even if you are my friend. As long as we have an understanding, we’ll be okay.”

  She nodded, the whole kiss replaying in her mind. “No more kissing then?” It had been too much. As much as it had felt right, it was wrong. So very wrong. They couldn’t do that again.

  “Oh there’ll be lots more kissing. We’re fake dating so,” he shrugged, “goes without saying.”

  Oh flip! He wanted more. “Um … sure, but not like that. We need to keep it …” Controlled. Fake. Boring. “Small … small kisses. Friendly kisses.”

  His eyes darkened but he gave a nod. “Yes, you’re right, and no sex.”

  Why did he even bring that up?

  “No sex,” he repeated, his voice a little deeper. He said it like he needed her to agree.

  “Absolutely not,” she blurted, shaking her head with too much vigor.

  “What do you say we hit the town?”

  “Sounds good.” Ana wasn’t sure how she felt. Off balance was probably a good description. She felt light-headed, happy but there was also an underlying nervousness. An unease. Maybe she was just worried about a panic attack still sneaking up on her. It would probably happen when she let her guard down. It couldn’t happen.

  “You okay?” Winston narrowed his eyes on hers. Even took a step closer to her.

  She forced a smile. “I’m good.”

  “You tell me if that changes.”

  She nodded, her smile coming easier. “I will.” They set out into the night. There were so many possibilities out there. So many of them weren’t for her though. Not for her.

  12

  One week later …

  Her step felt lighter. Her smile brighter, more real. Edith was coming to dinner tonight. Ana had also invited a colleague from work. The new lady? New wasn’t correct though since Shanna had been working at Sweetwater Hospital for two months already. She wasn’t new anymore. It just struck her the other day, Monday to be exact, that she hadn’t made an effort to get to know any of the new people at work and as a result, there were a whole bunch of folks who she barely said two words to. It was wrong. She’d been making an effort since. How could she not? It was incredibly wrong that there were orderlies whose names she didn’t even know. It was rude of her.

  Ana had decided on lasagna, bread and salad for dinner. She turned down the aisle that housed the pasta and stopped in her tracks. A family. They were right there. A mom, a dad, an older daughter of about three or four … and …

  She took a step back as her eyes landed on the baby in the stroller. The little one was small yet plump, with tiny hands and fingers, and big round eyes. The child gurgled and smiled as the dad made raspberries. The mom said something and all three of them laughed. The baby squealed with excitement, little legs kicking vigorously. So very cute that it took her breath away. This was the reason she’d pulled away from most people at work. They had families. They talked about their kids and their lives like it was no big deal when it was a big deal … it was to Ana. Most of them were oblivious to how lucky they had it.

  Her hands tightened further on the handle, her eyes still drawn to the family, she was waiting for the pain to flood. It was weird though because her heart didn’t clench, that fist of hurt didn’t close around her torso or dig its way into her mind. It was supposed to go into overdrive thinking of all the possibilities. If only …

  Normally, she would’ve turned the other way, left even. Abandoned her shopping cart right there and walked out. Cancelled her plans for the evening. />
  Instead of doing all that, she licked her lips, gripped the handle tighter and stepped forward. One step and then another. One breath at a time until she was right up close to them.

  Still no flare of pain. No need to run away. She picked up a box of pasta sheets. Going through the motions like any normal person would.

  Normal.

  This is normal.

  I’m normal.

  The family continued to chatter and joke. The baby gurgled. The little girl laughed. Within a minute, they moved off. They moved away from her and not the other way around. It felt so good. It felt empowering. Ana put the pasta into the cart. She was grinning broadly, the smile faltered though because that other feeling was back.

  “Okay so, let me get this straight.” Doctor Brenner was frowning. “You went out on a date, you kissed the guy.”

  “He told me to.” Ana felt her cheeks heat. “I would never have done it otherwise,” she mumbled the last.

  “Yeah, yeah … whatever. It’s not important who kissed who, what’s important is that it happened. You played tonsil hockey with him, something, up until recently, you could only have dreamed about doing. It’s amazing! It’s fantastic and yet, you’re moping about it. Why do you think that is?”

  Ana shrugged. “I don’t know.” She paused, mulling it over. “I don’t understand it. One minute I was elated it had happened. All I wanted was to do it again.” She remembered how her whole body had hummed. “And then, I felt it, this feeling of unease. It didn’t feel right inside.”

  “You say you felt the feeling again after you handled seeing that family in the supermarket?” Her therapist raised her brows.

  Ana, leaned back in her chair. She nodded. “Yup. Instead of the hurt, the pain, the feeling of loss, I felt fine … I felt okay and then that feeling came back.”

  “How would you label this feeling? You said unease, can you elaborate?” Her therapist kept her eyes on her.

  Ana knew from experience that Doctor Brenner would wait as long as it took for her to answer. “No, not really …” she shrugged. “I just didn’t feel right. It felt wrong to feel happy … that’s all.”

  “Why do you think that is?”

  Twenty questions. She didn’t feel like answering. It all felt too much like going round in circles, only, she was making progress, Ana could hold onto that.

  “Why do you think your feeling good ‒ happy even ‒ would make you feel unease … as you put it?”

  “I don’t know. Like so many other things, I don’t understand it.” Ana could hear the frustration in her voice.

  “Do you think it might be guilt?”

  “No!” she answered too quickly, too sharply. “No, I don’t think it was guilt.” On the inside though, her mind raced. Shit! Was it guilt? They’d talked about this before. Unease … guilt … it might have been. She used to feel guilty … very guilty, but she’d moved past that, hadn’t she? Hadn’t she?

  “You still haven’t given yourself permission to move on,” Doctor Brenner went on, “You feel guilty again, after all this time because you have finally started the process.”

  “That’s crazy.” Again, she answered too quickly, her voice elevated. “Why would I still feel guilty … about starting the process?” She lifted her eyes in thought. “John would want me to … carry on with my life. I need to …” Move on. Shit, she still couldn’t say it. Maybe she was struggling with it more than she realized. “Do it,” she finally said.

  “Survivor’s guilt. You lived and he died. You can’t move on … you won’t.”

  Again with the survivor’s guilt. “It can’t be, doc. I have no reason to feel guilty for what happened that night. We’ve been through this. I’ve worked through this. I had nothing to do with the shooting. There was nothing I could have done differently. Nothing I could have said or done to prevent it from happening. I didn’t even want to go out that night, John talked me into it.”

  “You’re alive, Ana, it’s as simple as that. You’re alive and starting to finally live again and it’s making you feel those feelings of guilt.”

  “What do I do though? How do I stop myself from feeling this way when I have nothing to feel guilty about?” She could hear the frustration in her voice. It was a question she had asked before. Doctor Brenner had never had an answer for her. Nothing substantial at least. Her doctor had always told her that time and patience would get her there. The frustrating thing was that although her feelings of hurt had subsided and her panic attacks had dried up, at least for now, her feelings of guilt had grown.

  Doctor Brenner smiled. “My prescription still applies. Keep having fun. Live a little.” Her smile turned distinctly naughty. “I also prescribe plenty of kissing. I’m,” her doctor touched a hand to her chest, “giving you permission.”

  Ana felt her jaw drop, as in, right open. She finally got herself together enough to close her mouth. She swallowed hard. “Kissing?” Ana laughed. “You can’t prescribe kisses.”

  Her therapist shrugged. “I can and I have. Go out on another date with this man,” her eyes glinted, “this shifter, and let him kiss you.”

  “I had planned on seeing him again, but we agreed … I already told him no more kissing. Sure, little friendly pecks, but nothing hot enough to get the blood racing.” She shook her head. “I doubt he’ll even try.” She was shocked to hear the disappointment in her voice

  “Well …” Her therapist raised her brows, she leaned forward in her chair. “I guess that means you’ll have to kiss him then.”

  Her mind was still in a blur when she left Doctor Brenner’s office ten minutes later. She wasn’t going to overthink this. Ana needed to take some control of the situation. So far, the ball had been firmly in Winston’s court, maybe she should take some initiative. She had an idea. Ana pulled out her cellphone and texted Winston. It was the first time she had made contact with him. She typed out the message and pushed send before she could change her mind. His response was quick.

  Sounds like a plan. Looking forward to it, and Ana, make it good. Fun is awesome … but interesting is better. Surprise the hell out of me.

  What the hell had she done to herself?

  13

  Three weeks later …

  Winston watched as Ana parked her car. He couldn’t help but grin. It was probably goofy looking but he didn’t care. He was happy to see her and really looking forward to their date. The words of her message played through his mind.

  I’ll organize our date for next time you’re in town. Something fun, just like the doctor ordered.

  Smiley face. For some reason he found it cute she had used one. Friendly and light-hearted. He fucking loved that she was taking the reins this time around. There was something sexy in that, especially since she was so timid about the whole dating thing. It was definitely good for her. This way she could control the situation.

  They hadn’t messaged again after that. He’d wanted to send her a little text here or there but he hadn’t done it. He was afraid he might scare her off. Winston enjoyed her company. It was a pity there would be no more kissing, now that had been a serious treat. Ana had kissed him like her life depended on it. It had been hot and heavy from the start. His hands had itched to skim her curves but that would have been pushing the boundaries. Thing was, he didn’t mind the thought of pushing the boundaries a little. Just a teeny, tiny bit. He didn’t mind the thought at all. Unfortunately, Ana didn’t feel the same. It was definitely one of her many attributes. She was attracted to him but didn’t want him in that way. The kiss had scared the hell out of her. Maybe she would change her mind at some point about them taking the role-playing a little further. He sure as hell hoped so.

  Ana gave a little wave. She gestured to the passenger seat in her car. A hatch-back. He waved back and then shook his head, pointing to his SUV. He was just playing with her. He didn’t mind if they went in her vehicle.

  Ana put down the window. “What’s wrong? Look,” she smiled, “I know you’re used to
fancy but—”

  “It’s not that,” he chuckled. “I’m just not sure my legs will fit.”

  She pulled a face. What a cute face it was. Free from make-up, a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her button nose and her hair in a loose ponytail. He liked that she hadn’t tried to be sexy. She was wearing a t-shirt. Something casual, that had been her brief to him. Casual with comfortable shoes. He wondered, and not for the first time that day, what was in store for him. For them.

  She pursed her lovely lips. Her kissable lips. “Your legs will fit. You’ll have to push the chair all the way back though.”

  Winston nodded. He walked over to the passenger side and made a show of trying to squeeze himself in. It wasn’t as bad as he was making out.

  Ana laughed. She gave his arm a slap. “Quit messing around and close the door already, time’s-a-wasting.” She paused. “It’s good to see you, by the way.”

  “You too.” Winston was still smiling like a crazy person when he found the lever to pull the seat back, next he adjusted the position of his legs and closed the door. Ana pushed the lock button and calmly waited for him to click his seatbelt in place before easing out of the parking lot. She wore little jean shorts and sandals. He caught a flash of color on her toenails. Looked like pink. Fuck but her legs were amazing. He forced himself to tear his gaze off of them. “And, are you going to tell me where we’re going?”

  She shook her head. “It’s a surprise.”

  He couldn’t argue with that. “Did you have a good month?”

  “Great, thanks!”

  “So,” he rested his hands on his thighs, “how was work?” He glanced her way.

  “All good. How are things … in shifter land?” She smiled, her concentration on the road ahead.

  “Um …” he huffed out a breath.

  “Uh oh! That doesn’t sound good.” She glanced his way.